Fail With Purpose

There are moments in life that seem insignificant at the time, but forever change your trajectory.  

You don’t plan for these moments. In fact, you rarely see them coming.

For me that first moment was an epiphany during a routine economics exam, when I was an 18-year-old freshman at Duke.

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When I arrived on campus, a personal metamorphosis began:  a quiet, rule-following high schooler was becoming a social, independent freshman.  

For the first time, I could spend my time however I pleased.  

However, I didn’t have the same freedom academically.  I was on a track filled with required courses- many of which I didn’t like, including economics.

Fast forward two months to the first exam.  

Ten minutes into the test, I still hadn’t answered a single question, because I became fixated on a single thought:

“If I’m paying for school, why do I have to take classes I don’t want to take?” 

In the boldest moment of my teenage life, I decided this didn’t make sense and I’d find another way.   

I stood up, handed in a blank exam, and walked out the door.  

My professor was in shock, and to be honest, so was I.

There was no going back- I’d purposefully gotten an “F” on an economics exam.  I was forced to withdraw from the class and had broken the traditional rules for college academics.  

Part of finding your way is trying… knowing you might be wrong 

I wasn’t sure how to chart my course, but with my back against the wall, I was forced to try.

I was sent to meet the Dean of Students, Sue Wasiolek¹.  She encouraged me to follow my gut and guided me to a little-known program that allowed students to propose their own coursework. Ultimately, I was allowed to design my course of study for the rest of my academic career. 

My transformation was complete: I went from rule-follower to entrepreneur, which I still am today.  

In the process I learned one of the greatest lessons of life: failing is often the first step to finding your way.

Failure is often the precursor to success

Carol Dweck, the queen of Growth Mindset, started out researching failure. She intuitively understood failure is an important part of attaining success- and how people react predicts whether they succeed.

A study out of the University of Chicago (link) found the difference between those who succeed, and those who don’t, comes down to whether you reflect upon and learn from your prior failure.  

Once we get past our fear of failure, we can build our lives- and ourselves- into anything we want (Steve Jobs says it well here).     

Why this matters for our kids

I’m no longer that freshman facing an F and trying to find his way.  

I’m an entrepreneur, with three kids of my own.  Helping them be their best selves is my top priority (and job!). But I’m concerned the world they’re entering makes the idea of failure harder than ever.

We have more info than ever before.  That’s by design, ostensibly to make our lives easier.  We forget, though, it can also make it harder.  

For example, being inundated by images of your friends and peers succeeding can make embracing failure more challenging.  A report this year by Common Sense Media found over 50% of young social media users think their peers’ lives are better, and they need to present the best version of themselves regularly.  

That’s why as a society, it’s more important than ever we embrace and practice being wrong- focusing on failures as an opportunity, instead of an outcome.  

Failures are often the best way to learn and grow.  And ultimately, failures can help us be the best version of ourselves.

So don’t be afraid to fail. In fact, I encourage you to fail with purpose.

Oftentimes, it’s the first step to finding what you’re really looking for.

1. I’m grateful to continue to work with her today at Legends, over 25 years later!